About Me — Ivan Encinas
I really struggle with writing or talking about myself, but here’s my attempt at it…
Born and raised in El Paso, Texas, I have lived in about five different cities, two countries, and traveled around many countries in Asia and a few in North America. I don’t really have a home base and haven’t had one since I left El Paso at eighteen. The closest thing that I’ve had to a home base in the last few years has been Shanghai, but I’ll get to that a bit later.
After graduating from high school I moved to the Austin metro area for college. I studied international relations at Texas State University and became deeply interested in the world, cultures, and languages. I would spend hours in my dorm watching random French movies. I would listen to (and still do) a really eclectic set of music. From Tame Impala’s Currents to Stromae’s Racine carrée, I was all over the place musically. One of my courses at Texas State, the “Japanese Urban Experience” began my long-lasting interest in East Asia. This deep interest in all-things international made me really interested in moving abroad.
During my junior year of college, I began to seriously consider how I could make the move. Initially, I had really wanted to go to France. I was watching a lot of French movies, listening to a lot of French music, and attempting to learn French. Ultimately though, France was not where I would end up and that was all thanks to one YouTube video.
Every Friday I would go to my university Starbucks, get my Americano, and spend an hour or two watching random videos on my iPad. On this fateful Friday afternoon, a timelapse video of Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen appeared on my feed. I remember being completely mesmerized by the cities that I was seeing on the screen. The towering skyscrapers, the shining lights, and the futuristic feel. It all just seemed so fascinating. Instantly, I knew that I had to go to China. It was the future and where the history of this century would be made. Although I didn’t know much about China and didn’t have a strong interest in the country up to that point, I knew that moving there would be considerably easier than going to France. I knew that English teaching jobs were abundant in China and once I had finished school, I could probably find an ESL job there.
My Time in China
In October 2016, I moved to Beijing to teach English to young learners. That first year in Beijing was a transformative period of my life. It was my first time being truly on my own. I had to pay my rent, buy my own groceries, and make my way around a city of 21 million. I got to experience some of the best food in the world. I was able to see for myself the differences that expansive public transportation can have in every aspect of life. Most importantly, I was able to see this country — that everyone was talking about as the future superpower — with my own eyes.
During my first two years in China, the country could do no wrong. I couldn’t understand why so many people criticized it. It had everything that Texas did not. It was safe. It had amazing public transportation. It was dense and had so much to do. It had so much history and a beautiful, fascinating language. What was there not to like?
Conveniently, I would ignore the problems that I experienced in China and did so by repeatedly telling myself that “it’s a different culture.” Although I really didn’t like the fact that I had to get a VPN to access platforms that most of the world uses, I would just tell myself that “it’s a different culture.” When I would see large, red banners professing propagandistic slogans across the streets of Beijing, I would tell myself that “it’s a different culture.” When my Chinese friends would criticize Trump but wouldn’t allow similar criticisms of Xi Jinping, I would tell myself that “it’s a different culture.” This became my mantra for my first few years in China.
I could feel things starting to change around 2018. By this point, Xi Jinping had extended his term in office by removing presidential term limits. It also became increasingly difficult to talk about certain topics with my Chinese friends and colleagues. Whereas before, I couldn’t express outwardly negative opinions about the leader or the Chinese Communist Party, now the conversations weren’t even being had. And when they did, any criticism of China would be met with a strong, at times harsh, rebuttal. Even friends of mine that were critical of the Party just two years before became much more supportive of it around 2018. I’m not sure why this change began, but it did. At least in my circle of friends.
By the time that COVID began spreading around China in late 2019 and early 2020, I was teaching English at East China University of Political Science and Law (华东政法大学) in Shanghai. When Wuhan closed down, I realized that this unknown virus was really serious. So, I decided to fly to Taiwan and wait it out until things got better. After one month in Taiwan and about a month and a half locked down in my Shanghai apartment, China began to gradually open up in late March 2020. This is when my “it’s a different culture” mantra began to fade.
Soon after the initial lockdowns, a Chinese friend of mine invited me out for lunch at a Shake Shack in Shanghai’s upscale Xintiandi neighborhood. He began to tell me how he had argued with his Taiwanese girlfriend the night before. One thing led to another during the argument, and he ended up telling his girlfriend that China would take Taiwan whether they like it or not. I remember telling him that he shouldn’t be so nonchalant about war and that an aggressive action toward Taiwan would likely invite outside intervention. He didn’t like that. He responded that if Chinese, Taiwanese, and Americans had to die for the aspirations of China, then so be it. I was shocked by what I was hearing.
This was 2020, not 2022. The possibility of major war still seemed like an unlikely plausibility. That conversation at Shake Shack was another pivotal moment in my life. I realized that the uneasy relationship between China and Taiwan could erupt into chaos at any moment. Later that summer, China fought a skirmish with India around the Line of Actual Control that resulted in the death of 20 Indians soldiers and an undisclosed number of Chinese troops. Most worrying was the implementation of the 2020 Hong Kong National Security Law that essentially stripped Hong Kong of all its freedoms. Even though the law was aimed at residents of Hong Kong, it somehow felt like it was a signal that no dissent would be tolerated anywhere in China. My WeChat groups completely stopped discussing any sensitive topics. Foreign journalists left China en masse. I decided to completely stop discussing politics on WeChat.
The final nail in the coffin were my classes at ECUPL. I was told by my employer to not discuss anything controversial, such as the Three T’s — Taiwan, Tibet, and Tiananmen. If something controversial came up, we were told to switch the conversation over to Chinese food. Our lesson plans and PowerPoints would be checked at the beginning of each semester to ensure that we were not discussing anything that went against the Party narrative. The maps on our PowerPoints had to match official PRC maps, meaning that they had to include Taiwan and the Nine-Dash Line around the South China Sea.
The rhetoric from my students was most telling. Praise for the Party became a daily affair. They would often criticize the United States, Japan, and India, but couldn’t fathom the idea that China itself also had serious issues. It was all becoming too much for me.
Basically, China began to change in ways that I could no longer accept. My “it’s a different culture” mantra could no longer serve as an excuse for the injustices taking place in China.
To be fair though, I miss China. A LOT. It provided me with some of my best memories during my best years. From ordering food on Meituan (美团) to the accessibility of biking in Shanghai, everything was really convenient and easy to manage. The happiest years of my life were spent in Shanghai. I still miss the amazing food, especially 麻辣香锅. I miss spending hours working on my master’s papers at Alimentari or Luneurs. Most of all, I miss the life I had built with my partner.
But that life is in the past now…
Post-China Life
Life hasn’t gone my way since I’ve come back to the United States. I’ve had two jobs that haven’t fulfilled me professionally. I got rejected by ten PhD programs in 2023, basically ending my dream of teaching at an American university. Simply put, I’ve felt stuck.
Two things have remained constant though: my deep interest in China and my desire to write. All I know is that I want to write about China. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I want to share what I experienced during my time there. I want to talk about where I think China is going and where that leaves the rest of us. I might as well give this a try and see if anyone finds what I have to say interesting. If not, at least I know that I gave it a shot.
My Writing
Before finishing this About Me, I had my brother review it. According to him, I should “probably include some criticisms of the U.S. Just talking about China seems too one-sided.” He’s right. I initially thought I should include some criticisms of the U.S. or Israel. But I decided against it. I’m writing this About Me as a sort of “origin story.” My “origin story” is China. I don’t think I would be writing this today if I hadn’t decided as an undergrad to teach English in Beijing.
I have many qualms with the United States. I will share those concerns in future essays. But I’m really glad to be back in a place where I can freely criticize my government and the governments of other countries as well. Most of my writing will be quite critical of the Chinese Communist Party. I will try my best though, to direct my critiques to the Party and not necessarily to the Chinese people. I am biased and that will be clear through my writings. However, I will back up my opinions with facts and sources.
I will likely be shifting my tone and style of writing depending on the subject matter. For some essays, like this one, I will take a more conversational and loose approach. For articles that require more in-depth research, I will take a more formal, academic style of writing. I’m generally more concerned about getting my point across. I’m not overly concerned with style, just making sure that my writing is clear and accessible.
As for the actual topics that I want to discuss, I will center my writing on Medium to subjects related to freedom of expression, democracy, human rights, and authoritarianism. Although a lot of my writing will be tied to modern-day China, I don’t plan on making this a solely China-focused blog. Rather, I plan on discussing the broader trends of growing international tensions (mostly in the Asia-Pacific region), technology and geopolitics, and democratic backsliding.
I expect to receive a lot of criticism for my opinions. I welcome those criticisms. The purpose of this blog is to advocate for honest, but civil dialogue on issues of geopolitics and human rights. I don’t expect anyone to fully agree with my points of view, nor do I want that.
Groupthink is boring and dangerous.
